This is our weather today and this is how I feel. Dark, cloudy, cold, surrounded by vibrant people, but feeling naked and alone. It seems as if in just a couple of days my life has taken turns for the worse that will never be repaired. Infact some of these things will not and can not be repaired and it has me in absolute gutwrenching turmoil. I am unable to do anything to help heal my family that has been affected and do not know how to deal with this myself. My family has been changed in a way that will never be right again.
My mind is in hyper speed trying to sort everything into some semblance of reason and it is not working. I feel that I am at the edge of a cliff teetering not to plunge over into a dark abyss. When you are the glue of an entire family unit and you are falling apart yourself how do you hold everyone together? My family is coming apart in front of my eyes and there is nothing I can do to stop it! Between this latest nightmare and my husbands terminal illness along with all the other drama that seems a constant in my life I just want to crawl in a whole and never come out.
I can not keep one straight thought in my head, I can not focus on just one thing, I wander the house aimlessly wondering what I should be doing. What can I do?
You know Lisa I feel this way a lot. I feel so helpless and lonely at times, like no one could possibly understand what I am going through. I have sleepless nights, so many self doubts, knowing I need to find it in myself to make a change... but just can't or won't do it. I know how you feel, your not alone. Some great words of wisdom that obviously will mean nothing now are ..... "this too shall pass"
ReplyDeleteLove you momma
Lisa ~ I can tell you we have walked thru some horribly dark hours & horribly bumpy roads in our lifetime ... If you go to my front page on the right midway down maybe, read the piece I wrote that says 'Why' ... it may help you.
ReplyDeleteI shall say a prayer for you that the waters will calm & for your DH, also. Know that He is with you always ... turn it over to God.
Happy Valentine's ~
Have a wonderful week!
Hugs, TTFN ~ Marydon
Mrydon,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words and prayers. Also I did read your "WHY" Made me cry when I took it all in. I have to keep my faith in God that all will turn out well, even when it does not feel like it will.
Happy Valentine's Day to you also
Hugs, Lisa